2008-11-25 11:56:56

Driving MySQL ad absurdum

I recently discovered that apparently there are database people with an insanely brilliant sense of humour: Drizzle.

Drizzle is a clone of MySQL 6.0 where any type of useful features has been removed. Its focus lies on Simply design for ease of installation and management (sic). There is a large list of features which have been removed:

  • Stored procedures, ok, they are not usually very useful in well-designed software, or maybe they are?
  • Query caches, so that queries will have to be reparsed and reexecuted every time, slowing down normal operation significantly
  • Prepared statements, slowing down repeated operations significantly and re-opening the doors to SQL injections
  • Views, ok, I admit I have started to dislike them myself
  • Triggers, because who cares about data integrity and the likes
  • Grants, who needs permission management anyway? Any attacker should be able to enjoy full damage capability
  • Some storage engines — I think this one slipped through, as it is not a hilarious idea

At the first glance I thought that someone was about to commit a devastating stupidity, but then, reading through the web sites and source code I am now convinced that this is an artistic act, aimed at making fun of the puritan MySQL community. Someone has proved a really great class of humour, especially in the way he imitates fresh students who fork software projects despite having no idea of what they're talking about. Also, the spelling mistakes look really authentic. I had a very good laugh.

Thank you a lot, Mr. Brian Aker, you're really a great commedian of the Open Source community!

Posted by Tonnerre Lombard | Permanent link | File under: programming